The Termites selection was even more eclectic than usual, with a mercurial melange of talent to take on Bishops Stortford in a "friendly". The newbies to the socialist of social teams fully earned their post-game pernod initiation.

Whereas Hertford had gone for the full age spectrum of teenagers to almost half-centurion, Stortford discriminated against anyone over 25 years old apart from some sage experience at scrum half. Upon seeing the discrepancy, some of the Hertford team noted that this "friendly" may have been mis-sold to them. Hertford knew they were going to be run around, and with uncontested scrums Hertford's formidable front row didn’t have the set piece option of squeezing the life out of the opposition.

The first 5 minutes was an onslaught, as Hertford defended non-stop against wave after wave of Stortford possession. Alex Pearson at openside (but who effectively played every single position on the pitch on Saturday such was his ubiquity) and Offy at blindside (fresh from his 2nd team exploits and apologies) mopped up everything that Stortford could offer in the forwards. In the backs, Jack Simpson (in a very welcome return from several years with our colonial antipodean friends and then at an estate agents) and Phil Humphries (no relation, and bearing absolutely no relation to established Jack Humphries) had everything covered in the backs.

Bent but not broken by the pressure and having accepted the admonishments of the ref as we conceded repeated rear-guard penalties, Hertford began to grow into the game and realised that they could take on the youthful Stortford side. Even without the scrum advantage, it was evident that some of the Hertford heavy rollers could do some damage close to the breakdown. Hertford built their momentum, beginning to dominate in the tight and on the fringes; direct bulldozing 9 man rugby can be a delight. Openings began to appear and arch pilferer Ellis Roberts dummied and found a gap big enough for him burgle through, suddenly finding himself in yards of space to scamper over to score. A well deserved try and that was probably the only one that was converted. 7-0.

Have seen where the opportunities were, Hertford repeated the process again, working into the Stortford 22, and threatening from tight phase play. Just as Roberts was thinking about another dart, Pearson was quicker thinking / running / handling / drinking / living than the scrum half, and had cleverly scooped the ball from the ruck to go through unopposed. 12-0.

Given their dangerous runners, Stortford were always a threat, and their winger ran through from the half way line under the posts to make it 12-7.

This was the cue for the Hertford backs to get involved: Phil Humphries showing great pace to move the Stortford backline around, and on one occasion weaved through some congested defence before offloading to the inevitable Pearson support to score under the posts. Unfortunately some people had been fighting so the try was disallowed. Soon afterwards, we moved the ball wide again and Simpson, taking a really difficult ball, then laid it on a plate for Always to ease in at the corner to score. 17-7 and half time.

Going down the slope and with a clear strategy for winning the game, Hertford continued as before - some direct play, followed by impressive back play. The Hertford pack continued to pound away with Jack Humphries, Gerry, Hollis and Jason Heltsley smashing into the poor youngsters.

In the absence of the scrums, Hertford resorted to some big rolling mauls. It felt like the best maul was one from 5 metres out when the Hertford pack flew forward following a successful lineout. Unfortunately, Hertford were too late to react to Stortford's well coached non-compete retreat, and whilst we charged over the line, the ref was already penalising Hertford for obstruction. Good smart play by Stortford. The tactic had some of the front row union chuntering to ref about the 'rules', thereby demonstrating and allowing the ref to point out that they really didn’t know the 'laws' of the game. After some further hot air exasperations about the game going soft, and 'well if that's how they want to play it' the Hertford ig-cognoscenti got back to their day job of rucking.

A long way from the bilious Termite front five, versatile Humphries (not Jack) moved from centre to backrow, and showed why that has been his favoured position and he relished the combat. At some point it is thought that Phil scored (although it could have been Klust-Nelson). Anyway, we somehow got to 22-7.

With the game opening up, Jack Holman of the Holman franchise (being nephew and cousin of those Holmans, and son of that Holman, and brother of the other Holman) shone through from full back and showed his class on several occasions. He cleared up the balls that came through, and joined the line at pace and with strength. Hertford were being really threatening, and could have broken away. As it was, there was another disallowed try as Holman or Klust-Nelson went over in the corner, but the ref had taken out one of the opposition so had to bring it back.

We finished off the scoring with another virtuoso rampage by Pearson, who took the ball 15 metres out with several defenders covering him; he powered through the first tackle, let the next tackler thing he had him before flinging him off, and then leg driving the last couple of metres over to score. 27-7.

Stortford scored to make it 27-14, and bashed away to try and snatch the victory. With the pressure building, Hertford had the chance to make it completely safe. Stortford were fully committed in another attack when Albon intercepted the ball and had an absolutely clear 70 metre canter to the Stortford line. Did he go for it? Did he look for support? Nope, he completely refused to run, and just put his foot through the ball. A try would have been good, but the comic relief was maybe better.

Game over. We won. One of the madder front rowers complained that they don’t like winning if they haven't been able to scrummage; never spend too much time with front row forwards.

In the post match piffle, Offy had to present his letter of apology to Captain Gawthorne for having played in the 2s. Offy does love Olly and the Termites, but sometimes, from time to time, you have to let those who love you loose.

Tracy is giving Olly a knowing look in the photo, as she is aware that the letter is going in his special place.

We also had some debutants for the Termites, so Alex, Phil and Jack got the pernods, as well as Ed Holman because he looks like his brother. Well done to Alex for spotting the tabasco shooter. Jack Simpson probably deserved one for being away so long, but he can do it with the 2s this week and start drafting that letter to Olly.

The 100s of minis assembling for the Hertford Floodlit Festival were inspired by the good example being shown to them.

Team: J Humphries, Hollis, Van Der Ryst, Scully, Dixon, Offord, Pearson, Church; Roberts, Alway, Albon ©, Simpson, P Humphries, Bullen, Holman

Meat: Heltsley, Bell, Lloyd, Sillitoe, Klust-Nelson, Douglas (vegan option)

Meat pies: Roberts, Pearson 2, Alway, P Humphries (probably)

Pie: Albon conversion