In a week that sees Hertford field yet another 4 senior men’s teams, Our Hertford Termites travelled to “The Mighty Datch” on a chilly Saturday afternoon.

Numbers trickled into the changing room with the average age of the team on the rise with every dusty kit bag that entered. Some of these chaps made Mike Tyson’s comeback look normal, Sion Preece literally blowing the cobwebs from his studs sitting next to none other than OG Hoes skipper Paul Dossetter who seemed excited to be playing after more than a few years out of the game.

Some rusty banter flying around the changing room along with the unmistakable nostalgic deep heat muscle rub which wouldn’t even last until KO.

Stores first act as skipper was to bet Hollis £20 he couldn’t play the whole match without complaining! with front row stalwart Belly jumping on the band waggon with an extra £10….. the challenge was on.

Hertford trickled out of the changing rooms and after a few games of touch we decided to put the team together, The forwards making the best of a makeshift line out and the backs deciding Tom “The bully” Baker would start at 12.

Datch skipper revealed they only had 13 players due to 2 drop outs that morning and asked to borrow our sub….. Up steps Grovesy who not only gave them an extra number it allowed for fully contested scrums from the off, The slender Groves in his new Green strip had an amazing first half and fair play not many people give up their Saturday to play for another team so big thank you for that.

Teams sorted only one thing missing….. THE REF! Already 14:05 Hollis’s bet was looking good and rumbles from all fatties about just hitting the bar and Jason needing a translator for Preece and his increasingly aggressive Welsh tones.

When all hope was lost out trotted a familiar ref to Termites sucking on his vape insisting that he was told a 14:30 KO, after the worlds quickest stud check and chat finally the game was on.

Datchworth started the better of the 2 teams with 2 quick opening scores coming from their young 10 and his quick distribution to a strong 7 setting up 2 tries under the posts. After a few calming words from Stores and absolutely no moaning from Hollis Hertford were ready to go again!
The scrum with Scully and Price in the engine room putting pressure on the opposition lead to several takes against the head and after a few tight balls the Termites game plan started to take effect answering with 2 tries of our own, In a rare turn of events the ball was even kicked between the posts after the Try which I believe is called a conversion but I’m not sure and may have to look up the terminology as it isn’t something we have seen for a while.

A few more pick and go attempts saw Ellis and his trademark powerful snipes secure another score from Hertford which was followed by another kick between the posty thingy.
Tom “the bully” baker forgot his Scott Gibbs role and decided to hit a ruck at full speed (legally) taking out Datchworth no.3 who recreated a scene from match of the day, embarrassed by his soccer ballet routine he then punched Baker which led to a cheeky little scuffle and 2 yellow cards taking the numbers down to 13 vs 14…..Hollis still 0 moans.

The game then became quite loose and scrappy with Hertford using the cheat code lightning wheels of O’Leary on the wing with a couple of great uphill Try’s before himself getting injured making the numbers 13 all for a short while.

The second half had Hertford trundling downhill in a great half of open running rugby. The ABC club carrying their dominance in the set piece and some fantastic tackles from Jason in D.

Datchworth insisted on kicking restarts to Captain big nose who repeatedly punished them with some trademark dummies and hand off’s holding the ball over the oppos head finishing with a show and go.

Sion Preece rolling back the years scored a fantastic solo effort try from the 22 adding to Hertford’s second half total. Mitch made a few fantastic runs and all was coming together nicely.

Datchworth kept running hard and refused to give up scoring 2 more of their own to keep the score board rolling. Finally they went uncontested in the second half much to the joy of Belly who seemingly couldn’t wait to see himself in green and swapped with Groves.

After several warnings in the second half Storey was told the next high tackle will be a yellow and it was at this point Preece decided to make his first tackle in ten years and ended up in the bin! 10 more minutes waiting around for him.

Tom Baker smashing through every Green shirt he could see only to be reunited with his first half cuddle buddy on the try line……naturally the bully boy Baker :) smashed through him and scored a fantastic try.

Stores told the boys the ref will call time after our next try…..3 minutes later we scored again and finished off another gritty performance and NO MOANING FROM HOLLIS! Even more incredible Stores paid up and Belly you owe me a tenner.

Unfortunately, I cannot remember exact scoring structure as my head was in places it shouldn’t be and remembering a game is not something I am familiar with so I apologise if I missed any key parts of the match.

Some fantastic performances and really well stuck at after a sticky start, really enjoyed seeing some old faces it really is what Saturdays are all about. Thanks to Datchworth for the hospitality and raffle I believe the ladies enjoyed the pink prosecco back at the club house.

Try scorers: Sion Preece x 1, Jacob x 2, Mitch x 2 Ellis x 3 Stores x 2 Baker x 1 Greg x 1…………..and maybe more!
Kick between the post thingy’s : No idea

Team: Jason Heltsley, Jonny Hollis, Mark Bell, Connor Scully, Matt Price, Stores, Byrne, Dossey, Ellis, Preece, Baker, Greg, Billy, Jacob, Mitch, Groves